ahhhh! I need to get this caught up so I can begin to blog our next one:) lol
So the next morning we get to the hospital good and early...and wait and wait...then they finally come for us and they have us walk to the surgery area with our birth mom. She was already gowned up...and as we walked down this never ending hallway, Josh went part way, our sweet birth mom was just sobbing, head down, dragging her feet. I was just overcome for her. I was just rubbing her back and loving on her...they walked her straight into the surgery room and asked me to gown up right outside the door and wait. So I was standing out there sobbing for her. Everyone that walked by was asking if I was ok, and I was always like, "oh yes, I'm doing just fine, but I'm crying for the sweet mama in that room." I couldn't imagine what she was feeling...The best advice I received was from my friend Lori who always told me to remember that I was going to Utah to love on a mom and a baby, and if I came home with one, that would be great too. And it was interesting, with that mentality we didn't view Kai as ours until it was irrevocable. We loved him that much, but held loosely until the Lord's will was done. Anyway, so during surgery, I'm going to start calling our birth mom Y, Y was just quietly crying during the whole thing. So I sat right by her head, and asked her if I could rub her head...she said yes, so I got some tissue, wiped her tears continually and stroked her hair and took care of her like I was her mama. Then when Malakai came out, she burst into tears when she heard his cry. I told her what he looked like, what he was doing...etc. Then once they got him all cleaned up they handed him to me!!! I was so excited, and I took him straight to his mama. (He has two mom's. One that carried him and took care of him in the womb, and one that is going to raise him to be a godly man in this crazy world.) Anyway, they undid her hand and she just stroked his face, kissed on him, talked to him...etc. Now this was a far cry from what she had said she wanted. Up to this point she said she wanted nothing to do with him, and wanted away from the situation as quick as possible. Luckily the agency gives you a fair amount of reading material on hospital etiquette for adoption. It basically said defer to her in all things if you can, and take care of her as much as you do the baby. So while she was in this moment I asked her if she minded if I snapped a few pictures. Since I didn't know how this was going to go, I thought I better take the opportunity to get as many pictures of her as I could. When we left the surgery center she asked us if we would mind if she kept him with her during her hospital stay. We told her of course. She had said that she would only get 3 days with him and we would get a lifetime. So she fed him, bathed him, changed him, slept with him, or next to him...etc. We were right there the whole time helping her if she needed it, or just hanging out with her. Matter of fact the social workers kept telling her that we should leave her room so she could rest, but she said she could rest later. She wanted to take advantage of every minute of knowing us. I'm telling you! We felt the same way, but it was sooooo exhausting! We both say it was the best, and the hardest experience of our lives to date. Oh and Josh spoiled her so! I was so proud of him. I wanted him to do that, but I wasn't going to push for my way. But the Lord just touched his heart and it was so sweet. During our dinner on Monday her sandal broke. So once when Josh ran to get food for us he stopped at the mall and bought her about 6-8 pairs of sandals and brought them all back and had her try them on and pick her favorites. (He had called me and asked me to check on the size.) She loved my diaper bag, and so Josh drove and found the store mine came from and got her one too:) For her first post surgery dinner she wanted crab legs, and Josh went and found a Joe's Crab Shack and fixed her right up! It was so nice to be able to spoil her like that. She really loved and appreciated it.
Well a lot of that was on Malakai's birthday...Let's see...So on day 2 at the hospital..Well in Utah it is a 24 legal risk period. Which means that the birth mom signs away her rights at 24 hours and cannot change her mind after that, but during the 24 hour period she could. We were very fortunate that Y was so confident and kept saying things like, 'he's your child ya'll'. So we had the peace of God majorly. I never once felt worried or scared. Well right before the signing of those legal papers our photographer came in to take pictures. She took pictures of Josh, Malakai, and I right in front of Y, and she left crying. We didn't know it but the agency usually has them done seperately. Like let's the birth mom see pictures get taken of just the baby, and then they usually take the baby to the adoptive family in a different room and get them taken in there with them. Y came back apologizing up and down and we apologized too, and later the agency said if the birth mom can see that it can actually help them in the grieving process. So anyway, when the agency came in to do the paperwork Josh and I went down the hall to our room to wait. About 2 hours later they came in and told us it was all done. It was a relief to have that milestone done! Then we went back to Y's room and hung out with her and Kai until night time. We learned about her, her family, silly stories...etc. And we shared with her anything she asked. Mostly just loving on her and letting her feel free to talk and laugh with her over her stories. AND, they were funny:)!
Day 3 came what seemed like an eternity and all too quickly. Up to this point it had been so emotional. As a mom what I had the hardest time with was feeling like I wasn't bonding with Malakai. It felt so different and I never thought it would. I was just distraught over it and Josh and I were getting ready and I told him about it. And he told me he noticed it...I just burst into tears. Then the nurse walks in and says Y's ready to see you...I was like ohhhhh....ugh. So we talked as I pulled myself together and figured out that it was this strange transitional thing where I was trying not to step on Y's toes who was totally mothering him each day. So I was keeping my distance just a little to give her respect and space. It was soooo hard! I couldn't wait to take care of him and it was just funny because I never realized how much a mother loves in that way. It made me feel sort detached. So we prayed and just kept loving and loving and loving.
So this was the day Y was to be released to leave, which meant we could leave the hospital with Kai. We were down hanging out with Y and time was drawing near so Y asked if she could be alone with Kai. Of course we said yes, and left to go wait. It was like about an hour and a half when they called us back to the room. Y had all her stuff packed and she was crying just slightly...I don't know how I never anticipated this moment, but I never thought of it so it came as a surprise. All of a sudden Y walked up to me and placed Malakai in my arms and looked for a moment and then she left with all her stuff. Then there we were...It was such a bittersweet moment. We had grown to love Y so much that it was hard to imagine her grief. But from that moment on all the mothering tension I had felt had completely vanished and I felt free to love and take care of Malakai. It was amazing!!! Then we just had to wait around the hospital to be discharged. It seemed like it took forever! Then we left. We hung around that day, found our rental house etc. And that evening we were to have a good-bye dinner with Y. So we met at Applebee's and had dinner together. This time the mothering thing was reversed. But I was very much giving and let her hold and feed him and change him etc. This time her other little boy was there too who was 18months old so she was busy with him too. The good-bye at the end of dinner was another bittersweet moment. We were happy to be one step closer to home, but at the same time we had grown to love Y very much and it may be a forever good-bye...
So the next day was Friday and we actually got the call that all the paperwork had gone through both states on Thursday, which was way faster that what anyone expected. They had told us to prepare to be in Utah up to 2 weeks! So we got the call on Friday and they said we could head home! AND HOME WE WENT! We got home at like 11 something...and went straight to where Hudson was at Grammy and Grandpy's:) It was so fun! Everyone meeting Malakai. Just an amazing experience!
Well that's all for this long post!
